


Soulmates Only Exist In Fanfiction

by growingCataclysm



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Shameless vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27423436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growingCataclysm/pseuds/growingCataclysm
Summary: Sometimes, you look down at your arm, and you imagine the pictures it could hold. A million colours gather together to make the portrait of... him.Your arm, as always, stays blank. This is the real world, and the real world doesn't give a shit about soulmates.(shameless vent fic)
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 9





	Soulmates Only Exist In Fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

> if im being honest - dodie

You have believed in soulmates twice in your life.

When you were young, and naive, the songs you heard on TV spoke of perfection. True love.

The Television is not real, and people are not perfect.

It happened again, recently.

His name was Jake English.

Jake English was sunshine. Happiness. Light. A million neurons firing, sending serotonin, fireworks in your brain.  Jake English made you smile without ever truly seeing your face.

He was beautiful. A rainbow of brilliant colour. He was strong, so much stronger than you'd ever be, and yet you ached to protect him.

Depression is a great beast, and Jake English was never the cure, but the smiling face on your lockscreen reminded you that there was someone out there worth living for. There was someone out there worth dying for. There was someone out there you would spend a life in a cell for.

He was brilliant, and beautiful, and full of life. All the pretty words of poets, their meaning dulled by overuse. You wanted to create new words just for the two of you.

Jake English was your future. A shining string of Hope. You were going to go to college. Spend your life making robots and making music with him by your side. You were going to keep him safe. You were going to make sure his family could never hurt him again. You were going to give him your world.

You can't remember his dream anymore. Only a poor man's replacement for stained glass windows, and two smiling faces under the sun. Only simple happiness.

Can you say you loved him?

You can say you tried.

You have hurt people before. You have hurt him before. But you try.

He made you feel scared. He made you feel safe. The words he sent filled your heart with softness and strength and warmth. He swallowed you up and filled you in all with words on a screen. Things you'd never once considered, he made them seem real. With him, you weren't scared to grow up.

You used to think he'd never lie to you, after all, you never lied to him. Twice you broke his trust and after the second time you made a promise to never pretend around him again. Nothing lasts forever.

You had songs, once. He told you that She made him think of you both and it scared you half to death. He said it was because he found it pretty. Dodie's voice stopped hurting, then, and turned a lovely green. You still have the playlist you made, and you know he has it too.

He was your soulmate.

He was,

a home, a rescue bird, a frog, a garden, a happy life,

everything to you.

You talked. You talked about the future. You talked about a family. You talked about everything. Even about the things that scared you. Even about the things that upset you. Even about the things you did wrong. Especially about the things you did wrong. Even, sometimes, things he did wrong.

Even about taking a break.

Even, eventually, about breaking up.

Sometimes, even your best is not enough, not when your heart is wrong.

Jake English said that you were his soulmate. You believed him. You always will. You know that he never meant to hurt you. You know that he believed it too. You know that the adoration in his steel blue eyes was once adoration for you. 

You want Jake English to be happy.

You do not want Jake English to spend the rest of his life with someone he doesn't love.

You do not want him to regret it.

You do not want him to cry.

Jake English is walking down the aisle, with you, his best friend, at his side. Jake English is happy.

As he kisses their lips, you smile, and you wish with all your heart that the one he was kissing was you. You tell yourself that you don't believe in soulmates anymore.

For a moment, you almost believe it.


End file.
